Wednesday, December 17, 2008

Overstimulation Can Be Filtered

^I got this sexy beast today^

I'm in this place now in recovery where, there is so much going on, so many new things I'm doing in my life, that *gasp* I can't magically keep automated in depth thought process on. It's mentally impossible. Solution? I answered it, I just don't need to do it. Add to that relaxation so I can process two or three at the time, and one of them might be totally out of my hands ("Are you looking to buy a cell phone plan today?")

Along with this is a bonus, sort of. Being busy and active with so much to do, coming home wanting to be with family, catch up, have me time, and do my needed chores, etc...makes me realize how long it's been since I've been living Yes, really. Bad thing is, I don't pay any attention to food. 

I am going by my senses, and eat when I'm hungry, but it seems I'm just not hungry. BUT I need to eat. If I realize its about time to have lunch, but I'm not hungry, I'll test myself by saying, "Well if you don't eat that for lunch will you feel bad later?" Yup. So I eat. I know the outcome of my actions well enough not to fall down the same hole again (intentionally). I also know physically when I need food when I can't think clearly. I'm in a maintenance mode, and I need to accept that it's okay to be here. I've replaced my Ed voice with a little coach that sticks up for me and cheers. I don't need to "change" physically. Not even to please my cynical mind. Optimism is kicking you out bitch.

I am proud though, that I've been having a pretty hardy breakfast lately. On top of my Banana and Oatmeal w/Blueberries, I also eat 2 over easy eggs, and have coffee with about 4oz of soy milk. That really holds me over well, without feeling stuffed. I do take my time though, at least a half hour to forty five minutes to eat slowly so I don't get that kick in the stomach.

I just need to watch myself at work, and while I'm at home keep myself busy, because those thoughts like to creep in when there are pauses in my activeness. I feel good though about how far I've come. I can say it.


  1. Sarah, you are my recovery poster-child of the moment. It's so good that you recognize your ED tendencies, predict them, and handle them so well. Good work!

  2. Thank you so much Ramona, that really makes me feel good that the post helped you=)

  3. Eating without being hungry doesn't 'seem fair'. But for those of us in recovery, it is ABSOLUTELY necessary. Great job!

  4. i agree with everyone. you are doing an amazing job! i do wonder why you don't get hungry? (and it's great that you eat anyway!)

    you're a role model, indeed.

  5. E & Melissa-It's definitely hard to say the least. The more I do it though, and realize I'm okay, it gives me the power back from my ed.

    I'm not sure why I don't get hungry. My stomach is not a talker if it is wanting food. It's more like I feel light headed and groggy, tired, but seem to think it's never hunger when thats my body's way of telling me. I have cravings though!!

    Thank you both=)