Thursday, December 4, 2008

Productive Day

Over the past couple of days I've been in a pretty good state of mind. I have finally gotten to my stack of messy papers, consisting of old mail and receipts from my checking book. Cleaned my room fully, and watered my poor Christmas Cactus that has still survived over this year. When I got out of the hospital, I decided to move out of my apartment (which I rented by myself) to come back home where it was more emotionally, mentally, and financially safe while I got back on my feet to feel better and manage my ed symptoms. Thing was, at first, my anti depressants really shook my OCD, which was good and bad. I didn't get so anxious over everything being a certain "way". But, the thoughts of doing them were still going on in my head, yet I would respond with the "I don't really care." This kind of confused me, as I'm only used to functioning and getting through the day with my OCD-type behaviors. So I become lazy. Yeah I didn't like it. So I was added to another drug, to give me that umph I needed to get moving and doing. Now its all working quite nicely, I've still got my neat and organized personality, but don't flip a bitch when something (which in retrospect is quite small & not life threatening) occurs.

I had therapy today, and it went really well. I talked about my views on how my personality type predisposed me to my eating disorder, and how I didn't care to find the reason why it revolves around my body and food. As long as I'm not feeling like crap and crazy, I think I am handling things the best I can. Tomorrow when I see my pdoc, I need to let her now I've been restricting food (really unintentionally at times) and ask what tests I need to do to see that it's not affecting my health at the moment. I am most concerned about my heart. Having low blood pressure and a high resting heart rate don't sit well with me. 

I'm also seeing my psychiatrist tomorrow, and will have to update her on everything as well. She's awesome, and couldn't have gotten a better person than her. This trip also benefits me, in that I can stop in at Starbucks:)

I'm feeling kind of icky tonight, like my head, and kind of my stomach. Its going around, and I've heard its no fun. *crosses fingers*

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