Thursday, December 11, 2008

Through the Storm

A few posts back, I commented on how much reading The Christmas Sweater touched me, and gave me quite a few answers I was seeking, or rather a peace of mind. That my life is worth living for. 

"You're on the other side of the storm. This is what awaits you. Not after you die, but once you start to really live."

I feel I'm coming out of the storm, onto the other side. A storm I subconsciously built over time when my ED was full blown (when recovery was far from my mind). I wasn't actually 'in' the storm, the storm I created as my own hell. I had to go through what I created and come out the other side, stronger. That's going through the storm. Recovery. Facing life and living is scary at times, but living in constant anxiety over repetitive constant mind and body abuse, food and body obsession, gives you nothing but. Life offers more. Choices that make you grow, enjoy, and love even. The unknown is a blank page we create and sculpt with our best efforts. And in that recognize your effort, even if you mess up. Mistakes don't make you a bad person, they make you strong. Those mini storms of everyday life teach us something. I see my year and half with my ED as one long step into the storm-recovery. The sun shines better on the other side.

"What most people don't realize is that you don't have to fight the storm, you just have to stop feeding it-stop giving it power over you."

Now, recovery isn't easy, of course. It's unfamiliar, scary, hard to trust. In my case I tended to give any 'new' activity those same thoughts, and therefor it stopped me from growing, experiencing things. My days were on repeat. Predictable, and if not panic would arise. Surrounded by the same dread and agony everyday. I'd rather go through it occasionally, learn from it, and go on, stronger, than constantly sit in a mess I think is making me happy.

"Atonement, it's a chance to fix the unfixable and to start all over again. It begins when you forgive yourself for all you've done wrong and forgive others for all they've done to you. Your mistakes aren't mistakes anymore, they're just things that make you strong. Atonement is the great redeeming and equalizing force that leads to the fulfillment of all things. Everyone you've loved and lost. Atonement, is heaven on earth."

Hard work does pay off. It may feel hard constantly, but eventually it becomes more natural. We all have the ability, all it takes is that first step. Take your power back.I'm finding new power everyday.


  1. And with that great head on your shoulders and that enduring wisdom you exhibit, I know you can continue to recover and live a life you love.

    I'm honored to be on your blogroll. : ) Thanks for that. I think your blog is wonderful, and I added yours to my blogroll, too.

    I know recovery isn't easy, and sometimes the progress is akin to watching the grass grow, but then, even when you can't see it, if you point yourself in the direction you want to go, and keep working in that direction, you'll be making progress -- you'll make it.

    Hope your day is being kind to you,

    Em : )

  2. Em, what you said was very empowering and thoughtful. I was very moved by your about me section. I have found since starting my blog, and relating to others going through recovery, I'm gaining more personal growth I didn't think I was capable of.

    Day is wonderful=) except the freezing rain!

  3. Sarah: great post. more later! i wanted you to know that i'll be posting at a new site, hope you can visit.

  4. thanks, sarah. you're a great friend.

  5. Thank you Sarah, for the strength and inspiration. I'm going to bookmark this to re-read when I need it.

  6. Ramona, that's so great=) I'm glad this post will be there for you when you need it most. That makes me feel really good that I can help others!

  7. It has been quite a trip but you are truely on the right road! From here on out is a long journey, but you now have the tools needed to keep you on the right path.

    Great post!
    Your Proud and loving brother....
    J,N,I,B <-- they stand for nicknames we used to call eachother. :-)