"You're on the other side of the storm. This is what awaits you. Not after you die, but once you start to really live."
I feel I'm coming out of the storm, onto the other side. A storm I subconsciously built over time when my ED was full blown (when recovery was far from my mind). I wasn't actually 'in' the storm, the storm I created as my own hell. I had to go through what I created and come out the other side, stronger. That's going through the storm. Recovery. Facing life and living is scary at times, but living in constant anxiety over repetitive constant mind and body abuse, food and body obsession, gives you nothing but. Life offers more. Choices that make you grow, enjoy, and love even. The unknown is a blank page we create and sculpt with our best efforts. And in that recognize your effort, even if you mess up. Mistakes don't make you a bad person, they make you strong. Those mini storms of everyday life teach us something. I see my year and half with my ED as one long step into the storm-recovery. The sun shines better on the other side.
"What most people don't realize is that you don't have to fight the storm, you just have to stop feeding it-stop giving it power over you."
Now, recovery isn't easy, of course. It's unfamiliar, scary, hard to trust. In my case I tended to give any 'new' activity those same thoughts, and therefor it stopped me from growing, experiencing things. My days were on repeat. Predictable, and if not panic would arise. Surrounded by the same dread and agony everyday. I'd rather go through it occasionally, learn from it, and go on, stronger, than constantly sit in a mess I think is making me happy.
"Atonement, it's a chance to fix the unfixable and to start all over again. It begins when you forgive yourself for all you've done wrong and forgive others for all they've done to you. Your mistakes aren't mistakes anymore, they're just things that make you strong. Atonement is the great redeeming and equalizing force that leads to the fulfillment of all things. Everyone you've loved and lost. Atonement, is heaven on earth."
Hard work does pay off. It may feel hard constantly, but eventually it becomes more natural. We all have the ability, all it takes is that first step. Take your power back.I'm finding new power everyday.