I know I will never find the "core" to what started my Ed. I'd be digging in history far too much, as I already seem to do subconsciously on occasion. I'm finding my triggers though, but that's not enough. It's the communication of these that is most important. My relationships in life.
Something is different though. I feel a greater power over my cynical side. It's not washing over me as it usually does. I've simply had enough of it, that I can't continue believing I'm that bad of a person for wanting my life. This hostility is coming to an end, because I finally want it to.
Fear is temporary. Communication will kill the disorder.