Tuesday, March 24, 2009

Affirmation This

I'm not one for affirmations, but the one I came up with really helps my anxiety and smacks me back into reality.

Worrying about:
Past=Excuses (regret, analyzing, not forgiving self)
Future=Fear (repeating mistakes, failure, uncertainty)

But, there is only is, and will ever be:
The Present, and what I make of it. If I'm content in my present, dealing with anxieties rationally, taking care of myself, doing things to my best ability, then that's enough. Its enough to just be in the present itself, but yet its so easy to flip back and fourth between the past and future thoughts as if they were the only thing that determines who I am.

Forgiving others is easy, myself, not so much. It's extremely vital I do so in that I can remain present and begin to enjoy myself. Thinking of the future only adds anxiety, and sets me up for disappointment if things do not turn out as expected. This "slump" I went through for the past month, I view as my body rebelling my strict routine and expectations. In my mind I hated this, but my body was screaming "LET ME!" Whether I sat on my butt, watched TV, or ate after 7pm, it's still going to be okay.

The question less asked, and even answered is, "What do you want?" Not tending to my needs, immediate or otherwise, automatically my subconscious gets anxious, something is not right. Whether I just need to voice "Hey I don't like that." Or if I accept to do a favor I don't have time for, I need to at least vocalize this. I have a tendency to keep all thoughts internal, and as with anything that builds up, the space it takes leaves less room for other things that are important to me.

Every days a new day, and that's the way it will always be.

1 comment:

  1. Why is it so difficult to say, "I don't like this"? Is it that we do not feel worthy oof having an opinion? Or that we believe everyone else is better/brighter/prettier/smarter/knows more than us, so we must be wrong?

    Keep evaluating, Sarah. Your self-exploration is incredible.