Wednesday, March 4, 2009

Communication Heals

The last couple of weeks have gone by in much like a foggy haze-moments I'd rather forget, some I can't remember straight. 

Therapy, which is one part of my support team, is like a validating kick in the face (which I need often) that I'm okay and it's not my body or the food that is the problem. My psychiatrist L asked me today, as I was anxiously shaking my legs, "What do you think has been bringing on all this anxiety?" I reply with smugly with "I really think its the food." She laughed and I did too, knowing that's the easiest way to look at it but it's not what is causing my emotions to go whack. Part of me really thinks it's the food that causes anxiety-which in my case with PCOS and my gluten/dairy free diet it does affect. I started talking about things, my thoughts on how I feel about the relationship with my Dad, my eagerness to leave the house, and the lack of support I feel in recovery at home. Outside of my therapists I solely rely on myself-and of course up until recently my blog and other bloggers, which I believe has kept me in my recovery. Its extremely vital to me to have the support of everyone going through the same emotions, struggles, and revelations and for some unknown reason I've been slacking on this vital support. My mind believes once I'm doing well, I can skip this and that, miss a day of blogging, etc, and that I'll be able handle things just as well. Well, nope I can't.

As weird as this might be to say I need all of you. I need your support. I need your comments. I need you to continue to write on your blogs. Good or bad days please be there, I need to know that I'm not alone in this isolating disease. I need you all to know how much all of you mean to me in my life, my recovery. 

My medictions were adjusted today, I'm slowly going to come down on my Prozac, and have been prescribed to Pristiq, which is targeted towards the neurotransmitters Prozac doesn't affect in lessening my anxiety. Apparently my anxiety is not in control, which I could see that being possible, since I've been very conditioned to being anxious most of the time, and not wanting to admit anything is wrong. Pristiq is a lot like Wellbutrin, but while on Wellbutrin I was more motivated, my anxiety made me feel manic. I've been off that for a while now and do notice a difference.

The bf's rubbing my feet I must go now=)


  1. I feel the same. It's so easy to give up and believe it hopeless, then I read someone elses blog and try to explain to them it's not helpless. It's clear they are just having a rough patch, then it sinks into my mind too.

    You're doing OK. We're all behind you 100%. Keep fighting, we need you too.

    Lola x

  2. You have it, support.

    I know what blogging has done for me, and I'm not about to givr that up....even with having to go privy!