Saturday, May 30, 2009


Next Tuesday will be my 'last' session with L. I of course can call and make appointments if I deem necessary. I went in with no plan on how to bring it up, but I knew I had to be direct and let her know it's really what I want. My initiative for the last time is to bring in a gratitude list, a way of reflecting on what I have accomplished, which will be a challenge since anything I accomplish seems to mentally diminish and vanish quickly, and then it's always onto the next "I need to fix/do this" to be good enough mind set.

I'm pretty blank for writing right now, my mind has a song that won't stop, I'm thinking of how thirsty I am, and how I'm going to fall asleep (fell asleep at 6pm and now its 10pm...). I've had an affliction with sleeping all the time, like a love for it. I'd rather be out, go to the gym, do things, but nah, I'll sleep.

The extra weight I gained from the rough past month is coming off slowly, which means I need to be patient. I've addressed many thoughts and struggles with my bf, which, omg, talking helped! It's like pulling teeth sometimes, "No nothing will help, don't wanna talk about it." Once I just start talking, most of the time my thoughts so mixed up I make no sense, I feel those ED urges go away. He's always so great, and since talking about our needs (mine needing space, him needed more affection from me), we've come to compromises and understandings for our personal needs.

More jabbering tomorrow I suppose!


  1. hope you get what you need from the last session. i think it's great that you left the door open -- you can go again if you want or need to.

    communication is the key, isn't it. when i actually talk with my boyfriend, it's like something's made right, and i don't need to eat or drink or starve or whatever. i can feel the physical difference.

    hope we both keep talking!! take care