Monday, June 29, 2009

Recover Me

"What does the week you were born say about you?" with the result The Cusp of Prophecy – Sagittarius/Capricorn Cusp December 19-25.

You are an unusual individual, you may want to have fun, but are too serious to do so. You have highly developed faculties of intuition and sensation. You have mastered the art of silence and do not need speech to get your point across. You leave little doubt to how you are feeling. You do not expect to be liked by other people although you often are. You are independent and do not need the approval of others and that gives you a power and freedom that others lack. You only let a select few into your circle. You have a deep, passionate nature and highly sexual orientation that bind others to you magnetically. You have a great need to be alone. Strengths: Psychic – Inscrutable – Intense. Weaknesses: Frustrated – Antisocial – Oppressive .

Whether or not I got this off doing a Facebook application (cough) it is extremely accurate, although it is a only a spectrum of information.

This morning I got up extra early so I could drive 30 mins further away from work to get myself a Starbucks. I felt I deserved it, as lately I haven't been doing nice things for myself. I repainted my nails last night. Lit candles. The little things.

I knew in recovery that I am the one to hold myself accountable, and didn't think I could rely on others to hold me accountable as well. That's only true if you don't ask them to. Now my bf M is more than willing to hold me accountable, and I've already come up with what I need him to say/do on a daily basis to keep me on the recovery train (only phrase I could think of, queer I know)

A little while back I received an email from Shannon Cutts, author of Beating ANA, and was sent a copy of her book for reviewing, and will be working with her and many others (bloggers) on sharing information about outreach programs and more recovery tools, as well as her Mentor Connect Program. I've already started her book, and I'm coming across tons of tools, that I'm yet to start (writing/cognitive exercises- I have a habit of just reading through the whole book first, then going back to do the exercises). I'm not so good at pausing while reading :). Her book is much more different than many I have read, where its more than just a personal memoir, or a book written by a psychotherapist about prevention, or a workbook with no metaphoric basis. It exposes the ED in the flesh, the raw emotions as they surface, and gives reflective steps to connect how the ED manifested and spreads in more than one area of your life, and why its continuous cycle needs more attention than you might anticipate. AKA hard work! It's a beautiful book and I highly recommend it. When I have completed the book and it's exercises I will make arrangements to have an interview with Shannon.

Hope it is not raining where you are! Its been 3 straight weeks here of rain all day EVERYDAY.


  1. i really admire you, sarah. you do the work. work. work. it's great that you;re reaching out and asking AND accepting.

    i think when we find ourselves heading down a path that feels scarey or wrong or dangerous, all we can do is get back on the path to recovery, in the best way we know how.

    i've learned a lot about dealing with relapse. i've had so many along the way, across the "disciplines". all i can do is get back on track. these last few years, i have gotten so much stronger. you too, right?

    take care.

    and yes, it's rained for two months, i think. i don't even listen to the weather report -- i know what it will be.

  2. The Recovery Train! Sweet ;)

    Since I've never relapsed (except for recently), this whole get-back-into-life-and-the-swing-of-things is new to me, too.

    I know for a fact if I didn't have people holding me accountable, I wouldn't be where I am today. That includes all my blogger friends :)