Saturday, June 2, 2012

June Already!

Its crazy how time has flown. Given in Maine where I live the weather has been nothing short of inconsistant. We stopped getting snow in February. Had 80 degree weather in March. I had to turn the heat on today because its been down pouring and damp. On top of that I've got some major tanage and have gone blonde. Exciting stuff!

I'm now down to 1 visit/month with the T (therapist). This was not exactly my choice, although I'm totally on board and agree- I have come so far and dare I say- I feel by definition I do not have an eating disorder anymore. BUT by caution, I can't not be aware of my emotions with food, my body, etc, if I do not watch for triggers and properly address them in a healthy way I will slip. I will hide feelings. I will keep secrets. I will self harm with abuse of starvation. I need vocality. I've thrived with it.

Before being in this place in my life I couldn't imagine the things I have, the AMAZING fiance I have, the job I have, my feelings towards life, without my 'eating disorder'. My eating disorder seemed like the key to success, and any other idea was just insane. I've slowly let go of that, ready for it? DECEPTION. Crazy right?!?

It fucking feels amazing.

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